My son has had autonomy over his body since he was a toddler. From that very moment, we made it clear that he could make as many choices about himself as possible. Our only boundaries have always been around safety and hygiene—everything else is entirely his to decide.
As he’s grown, he has loved experimenting with his appearance. He has chosen to wear dresses. He has chosen to wear makeup—not every day, but sometimes for fun, for creativity, for play. He has chosen to wear Marvel clothes. He has chosen to grow his hair long—and then chosen to cut it. For a while, he refused to wear anything but his Monkey Onesie, and I would race to wash and dry it while he glared at me in frustration.
He has sisters, and all of their clothes are kept in one big box together, so each child can freely pick whatever makes them feel happy. This freedom has been incredibly important to him—and to all of them.
Of course, we’ve faced negativity along the way. Sometimes people mistake him for a girl (which, honestly, he hardly notices anymore), and other times people make comments:
‘That’s for girls, you don’t want that!’
‘Why don’t you just cut your hair like a boy?!’
‘…But…it’s PINK!’
Other children’s reactions can be even harder. Kids can be cruel, repeating the stereotypes they’ve been taught. They would sometimes laugh at him or call him a girl on purpose. I remind myself it’s not really their fault—they haven’t learned acceptance yet—but that doesn’t make it any easier.
The first time he cut his hair, it came right after one of these incidents. I tried to explain that this was other people’s problem, not his—but in that moment, he needed to act on his feelings, and I honored his choice. Soon after, he decided he preferred long hair and grew it back. That moment, I think, was empowering for him. It showed that what others say—like whether your hair is short or long—doesn’t define who you are.
He very much identifies as a boy, though we use they/them pronouns for anyone we don’t know. Most of the time, he doesn’t care at all about gender stereotypes. And yes, we’ve heard it all: ‘But…what if he catches The Gay?’ Well, then we’ll have a gay son. Simple as that. It’s really a non-issue. What he wears has nothing to do with who he’s attracted to.
Now, when someone tells him, ‘That’s for girls,’ he responds with unshakable confidence:
‘No, it’s for PEOPLE!’
Or, on a cheekier day,
‘It won’t make my penis fall off!’
His sisters live by the same principles: ‘It’s your body, it’s your choice.’ We are lucky to be part of a hugely inclusive community, full of friends whose children don’t even blink at these choices.
This is about empowering all children—to wear what makes them happy, to experiment with self-expression, and to challenge rigid gender stereotypes. It’s about giving kids the freedom to be themselves and the confidence to stand tall, no matter what anyone else says.
