Because of our son Jack’s autism and sensory challenges, one of the hardest things he faces is spending time at doctor’s appointments. Jack struggles to process unfamiliar environments, bright lights, sounds, and movement. Without language to communicate how overwhelmed he feels, he relies on behaviors and actions to show us his distress.
When we bring him along, his anxiety can be intense—marked by tears, screaming, tantrums, and at times, self-injurious behavior. More times than I can count, I have had to physically place myself between my son and the floor, shielding him so he doesn’t hurt himself by banging his head in frustration.
It is absolutely heartbreaking.
Now, this may sound crazy—but because of this, in addition to all of Jack’s own appointments, I make sure to bring him to all of his siblings’ doctor visits as well.
You’re probably thinking, WHY?! Right?
I do this in hopes of slowly desensitizing Jack to the very things that trigger him. I want him to see that his siblings are safe when doctors examine them and to help him understand that everything will be okay when it’s his turn. We use “first/then” charts, constant verbal reassurance, and a variety of activities to distract him while we wait.
Even though he’s only an observer, these appointments usually include Jack shouting, “No Jack! No doctor!” over and over, while I hold him tightly on my lap and feel his heart racing a mile a minute.
There are moments when I inevitably question myself and wonder why I put him—and myself and the other kids—through what feels like torture at times.
And then, there are rare moments when I pause, take a breath, and see the beauty in it all.
Hear me out.
Tonight, during the girls’ follow-up appointment after a procedure they both had, Jack had a small meltdown after watching a doctor shine a bright light into Maddie’s nose. As I tried to calm him and held him a little tighter on my lap, his sister spoke up.
“Oh Jack, Maddie is okay. I’m not hurt. Come give me a big hug!” she said gently, reassuring her anxious brother and inviting him closer. Almost instantly, Olivia jumped up too, wrapping her arms around Jack in what became a sweet sister sandwich. “See Jack, Maddie is okay,” Olivia whispered softly into his ear.
Watching his sisters lovingly stroke his hair, apply just the right amount of deep pressure that calms him, and speak soothing words completely melted my heart.
You see, Jack’s siblings have learned to step into the role of protecting their brother—making sure he feels safe, comforted, unconditionally loved, and supported. They’ve also learned not to let judgmental looks or comments from others we sometimes encounter affect them for even a second.
Jack’s brother, Cam, uses his fun, entertaining personality to distract him during stressful moments. Maddie always seems to have helpful tools ready, and Olivia uses her calm, gentle nature to ease Jack’s anxiety.
Doctor’s appointments aren’t the only challenge—many social situations are difficult too. But time and time again, his siblings step up without hesitation. The maturity, compassion, and empathy they show fills this mama’s heart with more love and pride than words can express.
Because of them, Jack feels safe, reassured, and deeply loved by some of the most important people in his life.
How beautiful is that?
Our journeys all look different.
But no matter what your journey looks like, when you are supported and surrounded by love—gosh darn it, my friends—it makes a world of difference, doesn’t it?
