Something that has been incredibly hard for me to understand in the years since my mom passed, is just how deeply a loss like this reshapes your entire life—and how little most people seem to grasp that. Even when people don’t say things outright like “get over it,” their actions, their words, and even the casual ways they talk about other people or events make it clear: they don’t understand why this grief isn’t something you can simply move past.
We all know how quickly people can disappear after a tragedy. When our mom died, there was an overwhelming rush at first. The food arrived in droves. Cards stacked up. Visitors came, calls rang in, texts flooded my phone. People were there. Too much, sometimes. But they were there because they wanted to be there for you.
And then comes the part that’s hardest to process: everyone wants to be there all at once—right at the start. And then, just as quickly, they all leave. They return to their own lives, all at once, and you’re left standing in the quiet of your grief.
People tend to believe that a few weeks after a loved one dies, life returns to normal. That somehow, your world snaps back into place. But anyone who has truly experienced a loss of this magnitude knows that isn’t even close to the truth. For those who haven’t walked this path, I suppose it’s just something they can’t imagine.
The first holiday without her, the first Mother’s Day, the first anniversary—you feel the absence more sharply than ever. And then you notice the silence. The next Mother’s Day rolls around, and the people who promised they’d “be there” are nowhere to be found. You wonder: how can people be so unaware? How can they not understand how crushingly hard these milestones are, how much you still need their support?
Because if you haven’t lived this grief yourself, it’s easy to assume the pain has faded. It’s no longer “fresh” in the way it once was, and to many, that means you no longer need their presence or care. They’ve gone back to their routines, and for some reason, they expect that you have too.
So yes, my mom did die. And no, I will not “get over it.”
Yes, it’s been some time. But yes, I still need your support. Every day, every milestone, every quiet moment—it matters. The loss may not be new, but the love and the need for connection remain just as real as ever.
